Between Chemistry and Commitment

With sexual chemistry, you come alive in the presence of another person. What if that person isn’t your partner?

With a strong commitment, you protect your relationship from tempting threats that steal power and passion from your intimate connection.

Do you need to strengthen your commitment and chemistry with your partner?

Find out with this Love Test. Answer each question YES or NO.

Do I complain or criticize my partner’s flaws, instead of complimenting their strengths?

Do I invest more energy and time in my work than I do with my partner?

Do my favorite activities exclude my partner?

Do I have erotic thoughts about someone outside of my relationship?

Do I avoid making love with my partner and deny us the benefits of sexual healing?

Do I talk negatively about my partner to others?

Does someone other than my partner lift my spirits and inspire my greatness?

Do I act moody or grumpy around my partner?

Do I place my needs ahead of my partner’s and the needs of our relationship?

Do I feel that my partner can’t make me happy?

How did you score?

Each YES reveals attitudes and actions that steal power and passion from your relationship.

Each YES reveals a weakness in your commitment to improve your interactions with your partner and create a life and relationship you love.

Each YES pounds a nail in the coffin of your dying relationship.

Each NO reveals attitudes and actions that spark chemistry with your partner and strengthen the commitment that keeps love alive for a lifetime.

Which attitudes and actions will you choose, if you want to build a life and relationship you love with your partner?

Do you see how your daily choices cause you to grow apart and let love die?

Do you care enough about your partner and your relationship to make daily choices that revive the sexual chemistry you’ve lost and restore happy, sexy love that lasts?

Relationship Success formula: Keep doing what works and stop doing what doesn’t work.

Now you know how to improve your interactions with your partner by doing what works, even if they refuse to do this with you. Don’t take my word for it. Prove it to yourself. Start doing what works every day to break out of dull, negative ruts that kill relationships and bring out the best in yourself, your beloved partner and your intimate connection.


Tips For Married People

1. When you married you promised to be the person to own your mate’s heart and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. You chose your mate, never forget it, and never get lazy in your loving, never take your mate for granted.

2. Protect your own heart in the same way you committed to your mate. Love yourself fully with the same vigilance, because there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except your mate. Keep that space always as an open invitation to receive your mate. Refusing to let anyone or anything else to enter there.

3. Fall in love over and over again. Constant change is guaranteed to come, and in that, you will have to choose each other every day. You must take care of your mate’s heart. Always aggressively win your mate’s love as you did while courting.

4. Always see the best in your mate. Focus only on what it is you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love and you will know, without a doubt, that you are the most blessed person on earth to be married to this person.

5. Your job is to love your mate as is, and not try to fix them, with no expectation of ever seeing a change. If change happens, love the results of that change whether it is what you wanted or not.

6. Take full accountability of your own emotions. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that, your joy will spill over into your marriage and your love.

7. Only God can and will heal your past hurts and give you emotional rest when you give those hurts to Him. You were attracted to the mate you chose. Why? Because of being the best person suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds so that you could find healing and emotional rest. When healed this way you will no longer be triggered by your mate and you will wonder why you ever were.

8. Allow your mate to be who God intended them to be. When sad or upset, it is not your job to fix it. It is your job to hold your mate, to establish the feeling of importance, and to bring in a sense of OK-ness. When storms of change and emotions roll in, remain strong for your mate and give the assurance you are in this for the long haul. Listen to what is really being said and what is behind the words and emotions.

9. Be playful… don’t take yourself so seriously. Laugh. And make your mate laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier… and is good medicine.

10. Learn each other’s love languages and the specific ways your mate feels cherished and validated. Make it a priority each day to allow your mate to experience your love.

11. Be present. Time and focus are the most important assets to soul satisfaction. A cleared head makes room for the sense of oneness, oneness is the reason for marriage. Being fully available is gold.

12. Be willing to be carried away in the power of masculinity and the softness of feminism. Full trust dwells in the penetration to the deepest levels of the soul and the satisfying acceptance of the consuming and devouring affection.

13. Do not be an idiot… do not be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes as will your mate. You are not supposed to be perfect, just try not to be too stupid.

14. Give each other the space to develop their God-given individual gifts and talents. Becoming who you are is the space needed for renewal, centering, and you will find yourself singing new songs. Encourage each other in their gifts and talents.

15. Be vulnerable. You do not have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears, your feelings, your challenges, and be quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16. Be fully transparent. If you want their trust, you must be willing to share everything. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart to let your mate in. Part of courage in loving is to drop the mask of even the dark places then you will experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17. Never stop growing together. A stagnant pond breeds malaria; a flowing stream is always refreshing and delightful. Atrophy is the process when a muscle stops working, just like if you stop working on your marriage oneness.

18. Don’t stress about money. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It disappears when teammates fight. Figure out together ways to leverage both person’s strength to win.

19. Forgive immediately and focus on the present rather than being a hostage to the emotional weight of the past. Holding onto past mistakes is like an anchor to the forward movement in your marriage. Forgiveness gives the freedom of a lifted anchor. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

20. Always, always choose love. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this becomes the accepted principle through which all your choices are governed there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will endure when that love is defined within the Spirit of all Love, the Love of God in and through the work of Christ Jesus.


How To Be Happy in Your Marriage

Problems in marriage are inevitable. The question is – can you remain satisfied in your marriage in spite of differences? Can your marriage thrive when there are differences between you? The answer is yes: A praying woman does not have problem in their marriage. A praying woman recognize the fact that the key to successful marriage is to continually work it out and grow up. Acknowledge the problem and talk about it. Your love for each other doesn’t have to be overwhelmed by your differences. The followings are the power of a praying woman

A praying woman believes that, God is the only one who should have power over their souls.” They follow Gods instructions in whatever they do, that is the reason their marriage is always successful.

God direct a praying woman. They don’t leave their relationships to chance. They pray for godly people to come into their life with whom they can connect. They don’t force relationships to happen. They pray for them to happen and nurture it with prayer

A praying woman “rejoice always, they pray without ceasing, in everything they give thanks to God

A praying woman tell God, If they are angry at their husband, they don’t let it become a cancer that grows with each passing day. They don’t say, “I’m going to live my life and let him live his.” There’s a price to pay when we act entirely independently of one another. “Neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11).

A praying woman always say “Lord, nothing in me wants to pray for this man. I confess my anger, hurt, unforgiveness, disappointment, resentment, and hardness of heart toward him. Forgive me and create in me a clean heart and right spirit before You. Give me a new, positive, joyful, loving, forgiving attitude toward him. Where he has erred, reveal it to him and convict his heart about it. Lead him through the paths of repentance and deliverance. Help me not to hold myself apart from him emotionally, mentally, or physically because of unforgiveness. Where either of us needs to ask forgiveness of the other, help us to do so.

A praying woman will continue to tell God as follows instead of getting angry: If there is something I’m not seeing that’s adding to this problem, reveal it to me and help me to understand it. Remove any wedge of confusion that has created misunderstanding or miscommunication. Where there is behavior that needs to change in either of us, I pray You would enable that change to happen. As much as I want to hang on to my anger toward him because I feel it’s justified, I want to do what You want. I release all those feelings to You. Give me a renewed sense of love for him and words to heal this situation.”

I could come up with a long list of good things that can come about when you start covering your husband in prayer, but let me just cite a few:

a. Your husband will be blessed.

b. Your marriage will be blessed.

c. Your children will be blessed, if you have any, but this counts for your “future children” as well.

d. You will be blessed.

e. You will bless others with the testimony of your marriage and family life.

It may sound corny or cliché but it’s true. Once you begin to ask for God’s power (yes, the “power” of a praying wife comes from Him, of course) to move in your husband’s life, the blessings will come. I’m not saying that your marriage and family life will become perfect, nor will your trials, challenges and problems disappear overnight. But believe me, the difficulties of life will become easier to bear. In other words, you will learn to “make it blissful,” as we like to say over here

So how do we begin praying for our husbands? Here are a few tips, from a wife who is a “non-expert” but is journeying in faith towards a better prayer life:

Make a decision to be prayerful. Or at least pray more than you usually do. Many of us – myself included – struggle with finding time to pray amidst our hectic schedules. Still, we would be more blessed and blissful if we chose to find time to pray. We can start with just five minutes a day, then work our way up. We can even inject prayer into our daily routines – when we’re doing chores, when we’re working, when we’re playing with the kids, etc.

A praying woman Pray for their husband in the following areas

His wife (you)

His work

His finances

His sexuality

His affection

His temptations

His mind

His fears

His purpose

His choices

His health

His protection

His trials

His integrity

His reputation

His priorities

His relationships

His fatherhood

His past

His attitude

His marriage

His emotions

His walk

His talk

His repentance

His deliverance

His obedience

His self-image

His faith

His future

Now this may seem too much for us to handle all at once, so try to see which aspect or area your husband needs prayer cover the most and start from there. The important thing is to start somewhere.


Trust Is The Key Of Relationship

Trust – Confidence; a reliance or resting of the mind on the integrity, veracity, justice, friendship or other sound principle of another person. (KJV Dictionary)

I love the definition of trust from the KJV Dictionary because it covers the spectrum of giving trust to someone in human relationships. Trust as with love is a relational foundation. The heart cannot take the risk to love without trust. Trust creates an environment where worry and insecurity cannot dwell. What helped me learn to trust was first learning how to trust the one who love me most, God. Once I began putting my trust in Him, I became wiser in trusting others. This scripture from the book of wisdom sums it up, Proverbs 3:4-5 If you want favor with both God and man, and a reputation for good judgment and common sense, then trust the Lord completely…

I do know and understand how being in wrong relationships can jade a person and cause them to be guarded. I also understand that it takes time and work on our parts to do the work to heal our broken hearts so when love presents itself again we are wiser in our choices and willing and able to take the intelligent risk not only to love again but to trust that someone means us good. It takes discernment to see beyond what you see in a person and what they say. This is crucial when making the decision to trust. Never go against your gut instinct when it is telling you something is not right with someone. Take care with your heart. This is not about throwing caution to the wind. Trust creates a safe landing place for the heart. Let’s look at the definition one piece at a time:

o Confidence – The feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust.
o Reliance – Confident or trustful dependence
o Resting of the mind – Being relaxed in thought, not anxious
o Integrity – The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.
o Veracity – Habitual observance of truth in speech or statement; truthfulness
o Justice – A concern for justice, peace, and genuine respect for people
o Friendship – A relationship of mutual affection between people

All of the above words are necessary for trust to be established and solidified. To begin to build trust takes time and requires patience with the process of relationships (See my second article in this series to go into detail about Stages of Relationships). Once someone places trust in you and you place trust in someone, honor and value that. When trust is rooted and established it brings confidence with it. Whether trusting God and people. Isaiah 30:15 makes that point; For the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel has said this, “In returning [to Me] and rest you shall be saved, In quietness and confident trust is your strength.” There is an assurance that shows you, you can rely on the one trusted and it brings a quietness that brings a resting of the mind. Integrity is the cornerstone for truth and honesty. There is a level of integrity that comes with trust and a veracity for honest and open communication. The bond of trust creates vulnerability; a genuine care and concern, respect for the one loved, that’s extending justice for their well-being. Once trust is given and deeply rooted in the relationship there’s a friendship developed and a bond not easily broken. You have moved beyond the superficial. There have to be trust for any relationship to thrive. Know without trust there is no relationship, because trust and love are the foundation for every relationship.

Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships – Stephen Covey